I have a perfect driving record

..... in the States.

In Brazil, not so much. Truth be told, I would have had my license taken away three times by now - if I had a license. As it is, we have to work the fines into our monthly budget.

According to the Brazilian government, I speed.

I personally beg to differ. I go the 'standard' 5-7 km over the limit, just like everybody else. I'd get rammed from behind if I went slower. But unlike everybody else, I don't know where all the cameras are, so I can't slam on my brakes just like everybody else. And that stupid 5-7 km over - chump change, in my opinion - is enough to get me tagged. One time I got ticketed for going a whopping TWO over. Yes, I am reckless indeed.

And yesterday I got another one. Not for speeding, though - for making an illegal left merge.

For what it's worth, they just barely made this turn illegal. It's right in front of the pediatrician's office that I've been going to for four years. So I'm on my way home yesterday and coming up on the turn and - BAM - I see the sign that I can't merge. I looked to the right and see this long stretch of scary-looking houses and buildings and NO directional signs anywhere. I had a split-second to decide. My options: 1) obey the law and turn right. Probably get hopelessly lost in a not-so-good area of the city with three hungry kids who are an hour away from nap time, or 2) turn left illegally. I opted for #2. And there was a traffic cop standing right on the corner.

But what REALLY got my goat is that she laughed, SMIRKED (there's no other word for her expression) and gloated: "Ha! Got another one."

My feelings at that moment can only be described as &()*#@&$(@)*&$@^$(*!&(#)&!($*&!()

Okay. I broke the law. I admit it. I will pay the stupid fine. But if she had shaken her head and apologized, "I'm sorry, miss, but we just changed it this week and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to give you a ticket," I would have accepted it with good grace.

But that sadistic smirk just about killed me. She ENJOYED ruining my day.

As it was, I had to stare straight ahead and pinch my lips together to keep from saying something I'd regret. Okay, to be honest, not REGRET, but something I shouldn't.

Grrrrrrrrrrr.

I swear they made that turn illegal just to poke some more money in their pockets. I should get a discount for being such a good customer.