I am a stay at home mom.
I devote every waking hour (and very often my sleeping hours) to my children - raising them, worrying about them, trying to mold them into somewhat normal people. House responsibilities are chiefly mine - I usually don't take out the garbage on purpose mostly so I feel like My Man is doing something. He does his share of dishes and putting away laundry (the bane of my existence), but it's usually just ME.
And sometimes I struggle.
Because I know that I CAN'T do it alone, nor SHOULD I. Nurturing our children is my primary responsibility - but it is not my sole purpose in life. Nor is working, his. I am just as much a parent as My Man is; we share the job of raising our three boys. And while household chores are usually mine, that is just because I'm the one who is home all day - not because I am a woman.
But I can't do it all. I CAN'T.
So here's the thing. Every time I ask for more help with the kids or around the house, I feel guilty. My Man has no time to call his own. He works 24/7. He's bishop of a very very (very very very very very) needy ward. The guy doesn't have two minutes put together. Whenever he's fulfilling one obligation, he's ignoring three others. Because he just can't be everywhere at once.
He does an excellent job of making me feel like I'm his #1 priority (and I am), and we work very hard to make sure we still get alone time at least once a week. We communicate. We talk. We share our deepest darkest feelings. Our relationship is just ... too pure and perfect to talk about here.
But it's never, ever enough.
Does this mean I'm needy? Does this mean I'm weak? Because every time he kills himself to spend more time with me, I'm reminded of all the other responsibilities he's ignoring. All the people who need or want him. And oh, I hear about it too. Members whining that they needed him to give a blessing, pay a bill, counsel until all hours of the night, etc., etc. And instead he was home watching a movie with me. I'm a sinner. A selfish, selfish sinner.
I can't help thinking of all the wives whose husbands travel for work. Or are in the army. Or divorced mothers or widows. They have it a thousand times worse off - I should just be happy, right? Just shut up and be happy ....
So why can't I shut up?
Where do you draw the line? How do you balance? When do you say "enough is enough" as opposed to "I can be stronger"?
Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm not SUPPOSED to do it by myself, but I SHOULD be able to. Because whenever I break down and ask for help, I just feel like a weakling. Especially since I know My Man is already giving me everything he has.
.... what do you do?