Almost every blogger I know has one of those follower thinga-majiggies. And almost every blogger I know has complained about them.
"I'm thoroughly depressed today; I lost three followers. Oh me oh my."
Don't get me wrong - I totally get it. Really. Nobody likes it when you publicly become less popular. We immediately wonder why. Was it something I said? Someone I offended? Do I smell bad? Am I fat?
Which is precisely why I don't have a followers gadet. As IF I needed another reason to be self-conscious. I really - REALLY - don't want to know how many people like me.
So why is it that Blogger insists on telling me? Every time I sign in, there is a big fat "35 Followers" next to my name. Cool that it's growing.
Not cool that they tell me.
Because I know a secret. Statcounter.com tells me that I get over 200 visitors a day - with as many as 400 page views. So what does Low Self Esteem Becky think, instead of rejoicing over my fan club?
Only ten percent of my audience is willing to publicly admit that they read me. I must suck.
And people, PLEASE don't follow me just because of this post. Like, seriously. I would die of mortification. This is not a campaign for more fans. This is a desperate plea for IGNORANCE. (It really is bliss.)
The other gadget I want to pick on today is YOU, Mr. Live Traffic Feed.
Whenever I visit a blog with this gadget, I get nervous. It's like discovering a hidden video camera in the house of the people you baby-sit. You're not doing anything wrong, but you suddenly become paranoid. ("Sorry I took so long reading your archives! I swear I'm not a freaky stalker or anything ... I'll just scoot on out then ....")
Also, it becomes problematic when I want to check out the blogs of boys I used to date to see if their wives are prettier than me. (Hi! How are ya?!)
Lurking thoroughly and completely loses its advantages with this gadget. And I can't hide behind some generic city in Utah. When your gadget says you've had a visitor from Jundiai, Brazil, I might as well give you a sticker with "BECKY WAS HERE!" on it. Anonyminity can be a fabulous word.
Of course, there's always the "Michael Jordan's photo of the day" gadget - now THAT might tempt me.
(*And I would like to publicly scorn blogger.com for not understanding the "enter" key. How hard is it to double space?!)