Friday, May 8, 2009

Adding Insult to Itch

Are you sick of the move? I'M sick of the move. In fact, if you're half as sick of the move as I am, you're probably curled up with a blanket and bowl. And perhaps a Frostie, because that's my favorite thing to eat when I'm sick - and you guys have the privilege that is Wendy's. (Which I will have when we move on the 25th - just a couple more weeks! Although I might go to Chiptole first.)

So, when I'm in a "let's change the subject" mood, I generally snark my way through revealing, embarrassing information about myself. I've already done poop, pink eye, and cold sores. What's left?

DANDRUFF, of course!

Here's my question for the cosmos: why does dandruff shampoo have to stink to high heaven? And I do mean that literally - I'm sure the Lord himself can tell when I'm using the offensive stuff.

It's like the Dandruff Company Guys are trying to ruin every sense we have.

Everywhere you go, you are surrounded with an oflactory cloud of brain-numbing odor that lasts for days. I'm pretty sure at least five hundred brain cells die with every use. And the burnt tar smell runs down the back of your throat, effectively flavoring everything you eat with a dash of medicinal metal. Good times.
Even if I arrange my hair to hide any tell-tale flakes, my scent arrives before I do.
Sniff, sniff, HACK. "Dude. Do you smell that?"
"That Girl must have dandruff again. Let's run away before she rounds the corner. My nose is already burning."

So let's get going, science. It can't be that hard to create an effective, sweet-smelling cure. My favorite fragrence is Freshly Washed Little Boy, if you don't mind bottling that. Oh, and if you could throw in a few side effects like weight loss and increased memory, that would be great too.

28 comments:

Kristina P. said...

My husband uses Head and Shoulders. I ran out of my shampoo yesterday, and used his, and it smells, really, really good!

Oh, and I have a lovely canker sore this morning.

Rachel said...

And while they are at it, they need to find a way to make cough syrup taste at least decent. That is the worst.

Annette Lyon said...

The word nerd in me loves your use of "literally" here. It made me smile. :D

Brittany Ann said...

Ha ha! Fabulous. Fabulous, and true. The worst scent combination ever would have to be dandruff shampoo and hydrocortizone cream. Sorry to anyone who has a dry scalp, AND dry skin. Happy Friday!

Dave said...

I have to stop using it when nat is pregnant. annoying, but necessary.

I have a general question. How long have you been there? Will your kids know how to speak English when you get back?

The Prices said...

You should try Giovanni tea tree triple treat shampoo. You can typically find it at health food stores, but I've seen it at wal mart and I'm sure you can order it online. tea tree oil is the natural remedy for dandruff...I hate the smell of tea tree oil, but the shampoo is also infused with mint and it smells so yummy and it makes your scalp tingly. And, after you use it for a little while, you only have to use it once a week and then for me, I only need it every once in a while. Not like those others that just cover up the dandruff problem.

charrette said...

Hahahaha.

Actually, I'm just waiting for someone to bottle SLEEP.
Fragrance-free.

Lara said...

Not fun. My husband uses it sometimes and it does stink to high heaven!

Whitney R said...

This reminds me, I'm about out of shampoo and conditioner.. think I have only one use left. Blah, that means I have to run into town.. not excited.

I haven't smelt dandruff shampoo, but now I'm curious. I might start sniffing the shampoo isle and see what scent pulls me as the strongest.

Shelley said...

I'm afraid that all of those wonderful requests to be bottled up are useless. The inventive world right now is stuck on just giving us a little at a time, so we constantly have to try the new item to see if it is better. And hey why bother going for sweet smelling, with kids around we are sure to have spit-up on our shoulders, pee somewhere in our lap, need I go on?

janel said...

Brings back memories to me of using Lice Shampoo. With seven girls in our family, it was a long and very stinky process.

Melanie J said...

Yeah, I use Head and Shoulders shampoo and then follow it up with an Aveda conditioner so I can finish with something decent smelling. It works out all right for me.

SO said...

My two of my kids and my husband deal with dandruff. Thankfully I never did. We just use the generic stuff and that seems to work.

Tobi said...

After using the disgusting smelling Selsun Blue, that is ridiculously overpriced, I then use a yummy smelling shampoo and conditioner on my hair to cover the stink.

And that my friend is possibly the longest run on sentence in history!!

Kimberly said...

The closest Wendy's to me is two and a half hours away. Thanks for bringing that up. =P

Hmm...might be time for a road trip...

I can't help wondering if it's just better to live with the flakes. Ugh.

wonder woman said...

Superman and sons have some flakey problems and use head and shoulders. So to me, fresh washed little boys = head and shoulders. (Definately one of my favorite scents, too.)

So you still have *weeks* without all your stuff? It looked like they were packing counches and the kitechen table......I hope I'm wrong.....

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

As someone who shops for shampoo based solely on the way it smells, I understand your frustration. I've always wondered why perfume lines don't market shampoo.

Deb said...

Oh, the dreaded T-Gel. Sven has to use it and it smells like sweaty horse feet. Ew. I only have to use it every few months, but I really should use it more. I just can't stand it.

Kazzy said...

Oh, I so agree about the shampoo. Might as well wear a t-shirt announcing it.

I am getting the craving to chop my hair off, but when my husband sneaks up behind me, buries his face in my long-ish hair, and says how good my hair smells, I can't do it!

Shawn said...

Never had a problem with dandruff---sorry---can't relate. I tend to have more oily hair, so its not really my problem.

I have tons of others to make up for it, though....

Becca said...

T-gel will always remind me of when they paved the house outside my house growing up. Before that it was gravel, and yes I did live in town, but it was a small small town. I wonder if that strange recurring nightmare of the cars coming off the road to hit me in the yard had anything to do with that?

Oh, when you get back to the states you should look into one of the copper bristled brushes. Supposedly it helps with dandruff. I am not sure if it really does, but I like to think so, and its not stinky.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Yes, Chipotle's all the way and Wendy's - my two faves as well! Wish I lived near a Chipotle!

charrette said...

I had to come back again, because after I read this I got in the shower and realized that my [very expensive salon-purchased] shampoo smells exactly like those chemicals they use to clean public restrooms.

Just had to share, so you don't feel so alone with your stinky shampoo!

Boy Mom said...

LOL, love ya girl! I'm sick of moving and I haven't for 7 years and don't plan to for 70 more.

The alternative to dandruff hair is my oily hair, I can't go twelve hours with out looking like I've shampooed my hair with CRISCO.

The Motherboard said...

I hate the way dandruff shampoo smells, but it sure does leave my head tingley.

Me likey.

word ver: ester. I think the dude that runs the word verification is telling you to have more patience like Ester. (she had patience, right?)

Tristi Pinkston said...

If they could bottle all that, in the same bottle, I'd be all over it.

Lisha said...

Yep I know the TGel smell. My husband uses it, and yes I've even used it. Not so good with long hair, the smell lingers longer. I'm afraid I haven't any solution for you other than a hair rinse after with some rose geranium scented water. A jug of boiled water, add a bunch of fresh rose geranium leaves, when cooled rinse over your hair.

Shooting Starchild said...

When my scalp is itchy I pour a rosemary infusion on it after I've washed my hair. I haven't had the opportunity to try it on dandruff, but I use it on my head at least once a year. I just pick rosemary from where ever I can find it (Grandma's backyard, or the business accross the street) or use rosemary tea bags and boil it in water. You don't have to rinse it out, but I do (with cool water). :)