Monday, October 13, 2008

Funky

There are times, living in a foreign country, that I fall into a funk. I miss the States so much that I catalogue her virtues by the hour and bum around the house in a foul mood. You can practically see a gray scribble above my head.

I have not had a funk for a good year and a half. But today I'm having one with a vengeance. This morning I wrote two of my best friends the sappiest, most pathetic emails you can imagine. I could write a half dozen more without breaking a sweat. I. Miss. My. Friends.

And I miss AMERICANS, people. Stand-offish, messy-housed, extravagant spending, stuck-up AMERICANS.

I miss Target.

Convenience foods and drive-thrus.

Wide streets and PARKING LOTS.

Mexican food. Chinese food. Good sandwiches. Asparagus. Cereal. REAL milk. Sour cream. Salsa. Marshmallows. Buying foods in bulk.

Buying ANY food from around the world out of season - and it still tastes good.

Watching television without my finger on the remote ready to switch at the first pornography that pops up.

Not being horrified when my young women tell me about (another) friend who's pregnant at 13. Or the kids who tried to sell drugs to them today. And so on and so forth.

Not feeling guilty that I have a college education and a nice house when all my friends dream of owning a microwave.

I miss American mommies. Not having to explain that my kids take naps and have bedtimes. Not being embarrassed that my kid wasn't potty-trained at ONE. Not rolling my eyes when they tell me my kid must be freezing in a onesie. (It's 100 degrees out, lady.) Not feeling defensive when I don't give in to my kid whenever he asks for candy and for using TIME OUTS. (I don't know how many times I've been told I'm a horrible mother.)

I love Brazil. I really do. It will be, in a word, excruciating to leave. I'm sure I will have Brazilian funks once we move back to the States.

But right now, I just wanna go home.

Have you ever loved two things so fiercely, but can't have them both?

9 comments:

Tamra Watson said...

Just a little side note...it's like 30 degrees in Utah today. Enjoy the sun!

Megan, Peter, and Benjamin said...

Oh my gosh!! I feel that way a lot of the time here in Canada! Although, we do have some of the luxuries that the US has, it is just not the same. Although, I haven't had a funk like that for about 2 or 3 weeks now. I miss everything about the US and it is hard to explain that feeling to my husband, especially now with the economic state that the US has gotten into. It just would be nice to be back "home," like you say!

Mommadj5 said...

Would now be a good time to convince you to come home early for a holiday visit? Just pushing my luck - love you.

Floyd said...

Do you need a care package? I can send you some crisco!!!

Rachel H said...

Wow, It sounds interesting in brazil! I have only visited France once...and I was prego at the time, and BOY in that short week I missed American food BIG time. So I can totally see how living away from America can have it's ups and downs..

I think we all have them no matter where you are! Here it's just "Oh, I am SO bored of EVERYTHING....if only I could do something different once in a while!" (maybe that's just me..)

Richard and Stephanie said...

I'm sorry about the pumpkins. I would make you some pumpkin chocolate chip bread and send it to you if I didn't think it would get lost in the shuffle (or rot in the process). I know it must be hard for you, and it makes my yearnings for Utah or California seem silly (Texas is a close as it gets to another COUNTRY...but I do love it here too...I just miss my fam also). Keep your head up!

heidizinha said...

come home becky, please! and make home utah, please!

just start saying it, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

i'm not helping, am I?

Jan said...

I can only imagine how misplaced you must feel sometimes. It has to be difficult in a different culture. We all want our families to be happy everywhere in the world. We just all have different degrees of how to live. It is a great experience to learn from another place. You will never forget these times. But oh how I feel for your longing for the states. We are seriously blessed. NO doubt about it. Everyone sounds like they miss you guys so very much. Your return will be filled with such a huge gratitude mode that you have gained by being away. You will never take Americans and friends and family for granted again.

Here is a funk hug ((Hug))

JustRandi said...

I'm so sorry! I don't know what I would do, really. Are there any americans you can invite over? Maybe the missionaries? At least you could commiserate together.