Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Have any of you struggled with depression? Real, honest-to-goodness depression? Not just fleeting sadness, frustration, or sense of hopelessness ... I'm talking about lock-yourself-in-the-room-and-cry, don't-want-to-leave-the-house depression.

What did you do? If you've never been through it, what are your thoughts?


Jan said...

Yes I have. For years I have struggled. But the longest was 2 years. That's like as in didn't want to leave the house 2 years. And then again about 6 years ago for 9 months. It is the hardest thing to go through. It is the loneliest thing to go through. It is the darkest thing to go through. I don't know if this is you going through this, but I know that sometimes it passes quicker than others. My 2 year battle I didn't have children and was not active in the church. It was easier to just exist in my home. But the later one I was so active and had 3 kids. It was a lot tougher but yet it motivated me to carry on and get some help.

I hope all is well with you, but know that whomever it is they are not alone and I am always willing to talk via email if needed. Okay. Hugs to Brazil.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I have too! It is such a place that is so hard to be in. I have found such strength in taking medication and counseling. Counseling is hard because you need to be willing to take your therapy in your if the counselor is not to your liking, time to move to another one. I had to learn the hard lesson that I am paying them to help me, so they are (in a sense) my employee and if I don't think they are compatible with me, then I need to find someone who is. My worse one yet has been when I got married and moved to a town where I didn't know anyone and didn't know what the future held. I would just lay in bed and cry all day long. I thought about things like, "it would be nice if I just walked in front of a bus and there was the end of all of this." It is a horrible place to be. I am now on medication and have a counselor who is teaching me a technique of mindfulness meditation. I also like cognitive therapy, which my last counselor worked with me on. I need to change the way I think about myself and we are slowly chipping away at the layers of abuse that happened in my first marriage.

Anyway, I am keeping this posting anonymous since my family doesn't know about my current situation, but I will email you and let you know it is me. I love you and am a listening ear if you ever need it!! Take care of yourself!

Heather of the EO said...

I don't know if I can answer this in a comment. Not because I'm ashamed, but because it would be WAAAY too long. I'll see if I can find an email for you--if it's attached to your comments or on your profile. If I can't find it, email me and I'll respond soonly!
Too weird about our posts today. God rocks the party.
Depression does not.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it interesting how many of your friends have gone through this? I too have suffered. It's better now with the help of Himalayan Go-Chi juice (seriously). It's pricey but it has been well worth it. I suggest praying about what direction you should take to heal, I've found it's different for everyone. You have to remember, too that it's a serious problem with your body, not just that you should pray harder and read the scriptures more (though, of course those are good things). Espcially after having babies, those hormones just get out of whack and need help getting back in order again.

Becky said...

I'm not sure if it was depression or an anxiety disorder, but I used to skip classes for a week straight during college because I was too nervous to have to talk to people. I hated leaving the house, and I ate way too much. Bright lights made me nervous.

Life is hard.

Rocketgirl said...

I just sent you a nice fat e.mail. I wish I could send you a nice fat hug!!! I know how hard it is - I've been there, and I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Love you!!!!!!!!

*MARY* said...

I self diagnosed myself with depression in high school. I won't go into details, I'll just say it was really bad.
I know there have been a lot of talks given by general authorities about this subject and they all seem to say serving others is a great solutions.

heidizinha said...

me, no.

my sister-in-law, yes. (but also diagnosed multiple personality disorder).

it comes and goes for her--sometimes horrible, sometimes livable. she's been hospitalized twice in the last two years. she's on at least three different medications, and has tried several others. she has seen at least a dozen different councilors. we've had to pick her up at 4:00 in the morning because she couldn't promise to keep herself safe.

its hard to be an outsider and to understand. we've all read lots and lots about depression, but we just can't seem to get our head around the fact that she JUST CAN'T pull herself out of it. i get sad, sometimes for days and weeks at a time, but i can always pull myself out of it. she cannot.

i think its really easy for people who've never struggled with depression to ignore it, walk away, write it off, etc. i remember the last time it was really really bad, katy talked to one of her brothers on the phone, and at the end of the conversation he said to his mother, "she'll be fine." he just didn't get it. she wasn't going to be "fine." she could put on a happy-ish face for 5 minutes, but inside she was broken. she needed some serious help, and thankfully she finally got it.

i think that's why depression is such a horrible place for someone to be. its dark, sad, lonely, horrible--and most people just don't get it and can't empathize. unless they've been there.

are you there? i hope not. i love you.

Sarah said...

Me too actually. Just before I got married I was diagnosed and I did take medication. I no longer take medication but I recognize when the funks are coming on and I try not to let them control me. Keeping busy is good, but taking care of yourself is better. As in, don't feel guilty if you sick the children on their dad and go walk around a store by yourself just for fun. I do still consider medication an option, for if the funk gets really bad, but I try to avoid it.

Sarah said...

Also, and I think probably most important, don't be ashamed. Depression is a medical, actual, real thing. It comes from a chemical in-balance in your brain that has absolutely nothing to do with how good you are, how active you are, how lazy or how imperfect. It just is.

Abra said...

Yes, yes, and yes.
I, like Heather, fear my response would end up waaayy too long. If you want, you can email me at

JustRandi said...

Hey chicka - Yes, I think depression is much much more widespread than is acknowledged.
I've been on depression meds for about 8 years. I tried to go off them once and it was very bad, so I've come to terms with th e fact that it's a chemical imbalance and I have to take them.
It might not be true for everyone, but that's how it is for me.

Email me if you want to talk. It looks like you have lots of terrific friends in that dept.

Kim (Davis) Loudon said...

I struggle with this all the time. I am constantly asking myself whether or not I should seek help or medication. I go back and forth with the thinking that this is MY problem....that I am allowing the natural man in me to consume me. That if I would just buck up and DO everything I KNOW I SHOULD be doing, I could PULL myself out of my funk. I will be really "good" for a while...doing everything imaginable to be the best mom, best saint, best wife, magnify calling, serve others, bread to the neighbors, dinner to the lady that had the baby, super homemaker, etc.... then I burn out... and the guilt turns on... vicious cycle. I have SUPER high expectations of what I SHOULD be... and I can only measure up for a few days before burning out. That is when I start dreaming of medication...but I have never given in because I worry that the Lord might look at that as a cop out. I always fear that he has given me these challenges to learn to overcome them. I go back and forth in my convictions as to whether mine is a "chemical" thing or a "natural man" thing. Not sure if any of that makes sense. I am never deep enough to think about hurting myself or the kids...somehow I continue on out of necessity as a mother, but there are days that it is all I can do to get myself out of bed...and sit on the floor to be there with them while they play.... and then there are the motivated super mom days. sounds bipolar huh? However, I never get the feelings of a "high"...even on super mom days, I am highly irritable and snappy.\"/ How messed up am I?

Pam said...

I echo Kim's comment to a tee. I have pondered and realized after talking with ob/gyns about the ups and downs and they said that it is totally normally to have your hormones go up and down through the month because of our cycles. So then I just warn people in the house that it is the week or 2 before the blessed day and to not expect much from me and to reassure them that it has nothing to do with them but everything to do with my inability to master my hormones. Then luckily for me after that period it seems like the hormones go back to their happy state. For me and my family we have chosen to find humor in the craziness of my moods. but everyone and family is different and so we each find ways to deal with the craziness of life. I have many a friend who deal and suffer with all forms of depression, frankly I think we all do to some degree. That is why it is so important to remember to not be critical of others and their circumstances and how they deal with certain situations, because we really do not know what is going on in the inside. It just is so important to always be there for each other. Okay that is it.

lizzy-loo said...

wow, so many of us out there with this experience. i have had a couple of years where i had to force myself to function. all i wanted to do was sit in my room and escape from everything. i also think that being in a foreign country makes it more difficult. for me i didn't have the support system of my family and friends that i would have had in the states. pray often for the lord's help. ask what is needful, he loves you and believes in you. he knows you can do it. you will come out of this strengthened. all my love and prayers go out to you. you are not alone.

Lara said...

I personally haven't struggled with depression (but have plenty of other things to struggle about!), but I have a good friend who does. She is LDS and keeps a wonderful blog about dealing with it...just thought I'd share it with you:

Even though I don't suffer from depression, I have a lot of health issues that make it hard for me to function (I guess it's my body that has depression) and her blog still uplifts me and helps me through the hard days.